Chapter 1: Change

This chapter begins with the clear statement that the root of all coaching is change.

A little bit about my own struggles at change: I've done a lot of change since 2007 -- but none of it has come easy. Most of it came on the heels of heartbreaking experiences.

My biggest change in the last 4 years has been as a result of Brett's work. Three years ago I emailed Brett, telling him that I had the experience of taking a couple of losses and then rapid-firing off a serious of trades that created a serious loss. A loss that I didn't even hardly remember creating. It was like I left my body for a spell, and that some other trader was at the controls, effortlessly racking up losing trades.

I came to label these days "blowup days": Days where I seriously breached my loss limits for the day with rapid-fire trading. Thankfully, soon after my email, Brett started posting about the mechanics behind frustration trading and how to prevent "going on tilt".

It took many years to finally cage this beast, as included in my personality traits are low frustration tolerance in stressful situations and impulsively. The first step was relatively easy: Maintain a relaxed state via bio-feedback practice and breathing. The sessions, with the heart monitor, showed me how breathing rhythms affected my performance scores. Also, it was sobering to see my heart literally STOP when I'd experience a flash of anger or frustration.

The second step was harder. What was my motivation to take serious losses? Why would ANY person do that? I finally figured out that putting on more trades after losses was a coping mechanism to avoid loss. As long as I kept firing, I kept that chance alive I'd win my money back. Unfortunately, with all of the blood flow now away from my pre-frontal cortex in this excited, frustrated and fight or flight state, the odds of making a good trade were basically zero.

Thankfully, my last "blow up day" was June 9th, 2010 where I lost 9 ES points repeatedly going long as the afternoon session straight-shot retraced the morning gains. My notes for that day indicated that it wasn't until later in the evening, long after the session ended, that I even "realized" I had lost 9 points.

I had fallen into the trap again. Even after all of my knowledge and focus on the situation.

Probably even worse than losing the money, these blowup days just shatter my self-efficacy. But emerging victorious over this devious problem has been also one of my greatest joys.

Next up: lesson #1